


I'll Face Myself

by lovedeterrence



Category: Persona 4
Genre: AU, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:56:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2404283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovedeterrence/pseuds/lovedeterrence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A wild shadow Adachi appears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Face Myself

**Author's Note:**

> mild spoilers for adachi's route in ultimax  
> so me and my friend were like "what if adachi actually got to face his shadow" and then this happened.  
> based around the headcanon that adachi's shadow would be an actual child.  
> a huge thanks for my friend purge for bouncing ideas with me about this and encouraging me!!

Today was definitely turning into quite a trip. First some asshole cop possessed by that weird Sho Minazuki kid whatever forces me to come inside the TV world; I’d rather be in prison. No, seriously, I really do not want to be here. At least I’ve got a gun, but this is just a drag. The “Investigation Team” (nonvestigation team) doesn’t want me here, either, but I want to be here even less, ya know?

And then, this weird kid that looked like, well, what I had looked like as a child is claiming to be me is spewing this utter bullshit at me. I really don’t want to deal with this. Period. I let out a long sigh. I don’t have the time for this, not with everything that’s going on.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the wannabe little me said, sticking his nasty tongue out.

“Away. I really never did have the patience for kids.”

I tried to take a step, only for the brat to cling to my leg. Is this seriously happening right now?

“Get the fuck off.”

“D-don’t leave. No one ever stays. No one ever gives me the time of day.”

“Kid, I don’t know what your damage is, but it really has absolutely nothing to do with me.”

“But I have everything to do with you.” I looked down into this thing’s eyes only to see that its expression darkened significantly, and its tone of voice was now more threatening.

“No, you fucking don’t.” I kicked, trying to get Bratface off of my leg.

“Everyone rejects me. Even you reject me. I’m you!! Why won’t you accept me?”

“Excuse me?!”

The child fell to the floor, and promptly began to cry. I felt heat rising in my cheeks and an anger boiling in my blood. I wanted to choke this thing. How dare he say this shit with my face? Sentimentality was never my specialty. In fact, emotions are probably the thing I think about the least. Why am I putting up with this? I close my eyes, ready to summon Magatsu Izangi. Except… what the shit? It won’t come. This is quite a predicament. But I need to keep it cool. I yell my persona’s name, as if that will make it more likely to show up. Please.

“Useless as always, huh?” the kid said with a wide smirk.

“W-what the hell?”

The brat was looking up at me, tears still trickling down his face but that wild devilish grin on his face. I suppressed a chill. The yellowish hue around this thing’s eyes wasn’t helping me ignore the impending sense of doom I felt. Useless. The kid’s taunt resonated in my head.

“Bet you’re upset, right? You had a powerful persona. That’s all you had going for you at this point, you know. Now you don’t even have that!” His voice was matter-of-fact and he let out a shaky laugh that threatened to turn into a sob.

Ugh, fuck this. Seriously. Adachi shrugged. “Kid, I think you’ve got the wrong person.” Play it cool, as always. I can get out of this. I shifted a little uncomfortably and turned away. Things couldn’t get any worse until right about at this moment.

The Investigation Team was approaching. Well, not the entire team. It was Satonaka, that closet case of a kid Yosuke-kun, and Yu-kun. My stomach sunk to the floor. No, they aren’t allowed to see this.

“Get the fuck away, kid!” I shouted, kicking my leg at it. The brat grabbed on again. No, no, no. I kicked harder, causing it to land near my foot. The thing began to kick and scream. I was about to ask myself what I did to deserve this, and then I remembered. Karma or some shit, I suppose. The trio drew closer.

“Adachi-san?”

Yu-kun was the first to speak, of course. This was quite a scene to walk in on. I let out a low sigh.

“Nothin’to see here, losers. Keep it moving.”

Yu-kun eyed me suspiciously, but then his eyes landed on the brat I wanted them all to ignore. It was worth a shot. Guess it was pretty hard to ignore the irksome wailing.

“What’s going on here?” Yu was frowning, concerned for the crying child. I guess this did look pretty bad.

“It’s not anything I can’t handle. Go on, go back to playing detective.” I spoke in a self assured voice. Maybe if I pissed them off enough they would leave.

“But aren’t you jealous of them?” the thing stopped wailing in order to say this, giving me that same smirk again.

“Why would I—“

“They get to do more as pretend detectives than you ever got to as a real one. It was all good before you got transferred but, you still weren’t good enough. And you worked so hard.”

I froze. This couldn’t be happening. My intestines felt like they were being squeezed and my lungs felt weak.

“Oh, no.” Satonaka’s usually obnoxious voice was quiet. “I.. I think this might Adachi-san’s shadow.”

Yu-kun's eyes widened in surprise at her words before changing to an intense gaze filled with concern that definitely irritated me. “Adachi-san!” His voice was urgent. He wanted me to step away.

My stomach sunk. I knew about shadows. This couldn’t be mine. Right? There was no way in hell I could produce this emotionally volatile thing. I had to walk away from this. I took a step, only for the child to start screaming again.

 _“Everyone fucking leaves me._ Once they see how I act, they run. I’ve always wanted someone to accept the dark parts of me. I want friends like Yu-kun has. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I’m so selfish. I want trust and love but I don’t want to give any of these things in return. So I brood and mope and loathe.”

My cheeks were burning. I wanted to vomit. “Don’t you dare say that shit!”

“But this is how you feel isn’t it? Stop pretending like you have control over everything. You know what you have control over? Nothing. Absolutely nothing and it scares you to the bone.” The brat released a manic laugh that made me shudder. “You tell yourself hate everything because it’s easier. It hurts less when shit doesn’t go your way. And boy, it never goes your way.” The crying resumed and I shook with rage and embarrassment.

“S-shut the fuck up.” I refused to look at the team. Bet they were having the time of their lives watching this. Probably made some popcorn. Psychological horror hour with Tohru Adachi. I laughed bitterly.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Let you keep that emotionally stoic villain façade you’ve made for yourself?”

“I’ll kill you, you fucking brat!” The yell tore from my throat without thinking.

The kid’s head tilted and he gave him the usual shit-eating grin. “You really think you could do that? Didn’t your last kills destroy you enough? You tried so hard to not care. It ate at you. You didn’t sleep. You didn’t eat. You never ate much before, but your appetite was shot. You regret it. You would never do it again. In fact, you’re here to prevent anyone from dying.”

The heat in my cheeks was ridiculous. It was caused from rage and utter embarrassment and I was sure it was visible. I have a fucking image to maintain and this sack of shit kid was ruining it.

“You act like you don’t care about anything. Like you’re the only person in the world that matters. But it’s funny because you care too much. You look up to Dojima-san. Nanako-chan is your biggest regret that stemmed from your game, because you value her! Even Yu-kun—“ The thing was simultaneously laughing and crying and I felt my stomach turn. I couldn’t take this.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut the hell up!” I grabbed my shadow by the collar of his shirt, lifting him. “You’re wrong!” I refused to even acknowledge the spectators. They weren’t here. They couldn’t see this. My hand went around his neck, squeezing.

The kid was just a shadow, right? I could get rid of it. I took my gun from my holster with my free hand, pressing the cool barrel up against the shadow’s forehead. My entire body shook with tremors. I needed to get rid of this thing.

“Think you could do it?” The manic behavior stopped and he looked straight into my eyes.

My hand shook more and the gun felt heavy.

“Maybe you could since I’m you and all. That talk about hating the world is so fucking hilarious. You know what the one thing you truly hate is?” He paused, and I knew what he was going to say. I didn’t want to hear it. “Yourself!”

“No!” My fingers clenched tighter. “Y-you’re not me you piece of shit!”

The investigation team cried out behind me. Before I could turn to look, something was happening to the shadow I was trying to exterminate. He was laughing as if I just gave him some kind of revelation. Well, I did. In the blink of an eye, the shadow was transforming and I didn’t have a chance to let go. My skin burned and ached from the raw power the shadow was releasing. Before I could even take in what just happening, I was blasted back by the shadow and crashed into a wall. My luck is always phenomenal. This was gonna hurt like a bitch in the morning. It hurt like hell already.

“I am a shadow, the true self.”

The shadow kid throwing a tantrum and taunting me now looked like a giant, warped version of myself decked out in a police uniform, glasses that I wore in high school, and was sitting on what appeared to be a self-made throne out of caution tape. Yu-kun gave me a look of concern before turning to fight the monster that came out of me. Good going, me. I came to help and ended up causing problems for these brats again. I tried to stand up, but everything hurt. My body wouldn’t work and I was fucking angry. I felt my consciousness drifting in and out as the team fought the monster inside of me.

I’m not sure how long it took, but I was being shaken by Yu-kun. My eyes slowly opened and I forced myself to stand up, ignoring the hand that Yu-kun offered me. My back throbbed in pain, and the surrounding area was spinning. I inhaled to regain my senses. I took in the scene. They had defeated whatever the big one was, and now shadow was back to its childlike state. I felt my stomach sink. I preferred the warped-looking monster version of myself sitting on the fake throne.

“T-this isn’t…” I wanted to deny it. Not for my sake, but for their opinions of me. Deep down, I knew everything that the shadow said was the truth.

“You have to accept it, Adachi,” Yosuke-kun said, sternly. “Or it will attack us again.”

I looked at Satonaka who looked a little less stern, but still insistent. Yu-kun nodded at me in a reassuring manner.

I took a deep breath. I had to do this. I sighed, and shrugged. I could at least play it cool, right? “Yeah, whatever. I’ll accept the little brat.”

I thought I heard a chuckle from Yu-kun as I approached the shadow. I looked at him. Tears still streaked his face but he was still trying to hide it with that ridiculous smile. Ugh, this was like something out of a movie. I rolled my eyes and got on my knees. I placed my hands gingerly on the shadow’s shoulders.

“Blah, blah, blah. You’re me, and I’m you, alright?” I felt a tear fall from my eye. If any of those brats noticed it, I might have to resort to murder again. This was so cheesy, and I knew my face was red again.

The shadow disappeared and I felt power return to me. I was sure Magatsu Izanagi was back. I stood up, feeling even weaker on my feet than I did previously. But I was on a mission and I wasn’t going to let this shit stop me.

“Adachi-san, you need to go back,” Yu-kun said, the worry was clear in his voice.

I shrugged again. “This is nothing. The beating you dumbasses gave me was way worse.”

Despite their protests, I kept walking. There was too much at stake for me to turn back now. I told myself I was going to do this, and dammit, I will. No way was I going to let these kids think I’m weak. I wasn’t sure if there was anything I wanted to protect enough to risk my life like this, and maybe there wasn’t. I’m pretty selfish. But I have my rules now. I’m here to atone for myself.


End file.
